The Wedding
by Saran VD
Summary: CRACKfic Gelphie.  Fiyero pays Elphaba a visit at Kiamo Ko, and discovers that in the four months that the two of them were out of touch, Elphie and Glinda got married.  But one wedding is never enough for Glinda the Good...  R&R!
1. Prologue

**A/N: So my friend Steph and I came up with this idea on the bus. How and why we came up with it, I'm not sure. But that's what happened. Keep a lookout for her version (to be posted soon). Anyway, if the Gelphie seems a little, well, _odd_… it was intended to be that way! After all, this is Fiyero's POV… **

**THIMBLES! And on with the fic… **

**Saran VD **

The Wedding 

_Prologue _

I hadn't seen Elphaba Thropp in four months, and I must confess that it was nice to see her again. We had gone up to her bedroom, and the two of us just stood there, surrounded by lace. I was surprised by how, well, _pink_ it was. What had _happened_?

I was about to ask when everything was explained by a short blonde pouf of energy came flying into the room and wound her arms around Elphaba's neck.

"Elphieeee!!!!!!!"

"Oh, sweet Oz, Glinda, now what?" The tall green woman sighed to her blonde companion.

Glinda stood on the very tips of her toes to give Elphaba a tiny kiss. "Let's get married!"

Elphaba sighed yet again. "Glinda, we got married three months, fourteen days, and…" she glanced at the tiny clock Glinda had resting on the mantelpiece. "Four hours, fifty-eight minutes and thirty-nine seconds ago."

"Fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two…"

"Glinda are you paying any attention to what I'm saying?"

"Fifty seven, fifty eight, fifty-nine, FIFTY-NINE MINUTES, Elphie! HAH!"

Elphaba considered Glinda for a moment, and then decided that she wasn't worth her time. "So, Fiyero, you were saying?"

I couldn't say anything. My tongue was (perhaps permanently) stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I couldn't have spoken even if I had wanted to. So I just stood there, grinning like an idiot.

Apparently, Glinda was having no problem talking. "But Elphie, I found the most _darling_ dresses for us to wear…" 

"First off," said Elphaba coolly, in the manner of a mother scolding a child, "I will not wear anything that could be described as 'darling'." Glinda deflated a bit. "Second, we went through this three months, ten days…" Another glance at the clock. "nine minutes and ten seconds ago: white is not my color. It makes me look like a tree."

My tongue unstuck as I held back laughter. "Doesn't everything?"

She glowered at me, and I cowered. "No, Yero. I don't look like a tree in a tux."

Oh my Oz, funniest image _ever_. My, well I guess, now ex-girlfriend the Wicked Witch of the West in a tux smiling broadly as Glinda the Good came striding down the aisle holding a big extravagant bouquet of roses and wearing a big extravagant white wedding dress. I laughed out loud this time.

Elphaba decided to ignore me and my craziness. "And why do we need to get married again, anyway?"

"Myoo Org has come out with her new line of wedding gowns, Elphaba! I just have to buy one!"

"So divorce me! Marry Fiyero!"

Glinda's eyes sparkled. "B-b-b-but… Elphie, I _love_ you! How dare you suggest I g-g-go and marry _him_?" She gave me a look of purest loathing.

"Woah!" I said, not wanting to have a part in their catfight. "Leave me out of this!"

"Fine," said Elphaba coolly. She turned to Glinda, and the stern look in her eyes melted away. "Do you really want another wedding, Glinda?"

Glinda nodded without ever taking her eyes off of the other woman.

"Then we'll have one," said Elphaba, bending down a little to give a Glinda a kiss. "We'll have the biggest, best fairy-tale wedding you could ever imagine."

Oh boy. This should get interesting.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: And a special thanks to my four fabulous reviewers… thank you for raising my self esteem! So, here I am, killing time during study hall… wheee!!! Hahaha this is fun to write… I love Fiyero!**

**THIMBLES! And on with the fic…**

**Saran VD**

The Wedding

_Chapter 1_

Banging your head against the wall, I realized, doesn't help at all when both of your ex-girlfriends are planning their "fairy-tale wedding". As hard as I tried, I couldn't kill enough of my brain cells off to be able to lapse into a blissful coma. Not that I _had_ any brain cells, but it's the thought that counts.

Meanwhile, Glinda was flipping through a ten-inch-thick catalog of wedding dresses, declaring every single one of them "darling", "gorgeous", or "exquisite". Elphaba sat behind her, with her arms around the blonde's waist and her head leaning on her lover's shoulder, sighing at regular intervals.

"Glinda," she said, interrupting what was sure to be yet another hour of terror, "I thought you had something specific in mind."

She sighed loudly. "Oh, I know what _I'm_ going to wear, silly. I need to pick out bridesmaid outfits. Now, which one of these would suit Pfannee and Shen-Shen?"

"Oh, Glinda, I don't know them _nearly_ as well as you do…"

"Elphie, you are no help at all!"

"Now, wait a minute…"

"Just because you weren't friends with them at Shiz…"

"Well, they didn't like me very much now, did they?"

"But they're my _friends_, Elphie! I want them to be there! I need them to be there!"

"It's always about you, isn't it?"

"Why in Oz would you say that?"

"Because all you can think about, all the time, is _you_! I can't take it! Always… you are _always _thinking about yourself! I've been generous already by allowing us to have this stupid wedding in the first place! Why should I allow the two girls who _tormented_ me at Shiz come to my wedding?"

Glinda pouted. "But, it's my wedding, too."

Elphaba sighed. "Fine. Do I get to pick some bridesmaids?"

Glinda giggled. "Of course!"

She grinned wickedly. "Good. Now, darling Glinda…" Oh no, Elphaba was planning something. I knew that look… _shit_. "Which one of these dresses would suit Fiyero?"

I stopped banging my head against the wall and stared at her. "_What_?"

"Come on, Glinda. I need your help." She was ignoring me and my sputtering protests.

Glinda giggled yet again. "Oh, Elphie, you know that Fiyero can't wear a dress!"

"Why not? It's my wedding, too." She was starting to sound remarkably like her girlfriend (Wife? Fiancée?)

"Because he's a boy, silly!"

"No, he's a scarecrow."

I scowled at her. "But I'm a _boy_ scarecrow."

She smirked. "Prove it."

I couldn't of course. Being a scarecrow means relinquishing your right to having a specific gender. Damn that Elphaba.

"No dress, Elphaba. Especially if _Glinda_ is picking it out!"

"Hey! Are you insulting my fashion sense?" Glinda was swelling like an angry fluffy balloon.

"No! I'm just saying that you don't have _quite_ the same tastes as I do."

"Fine. I'll pick it out." Elphaba was close to laughing.

"No dress," I said firmly. "You can do whatever else you want, but no dress."

"Ok, you're going naked." Elphaba turned her attention back to the catalogue.

"Wait a second…"

"Oh, come on, Fiyero, it's not like you have anything to hide…" She was so damn _calm_ about it.

"Ok, enough jokes about that! It's not my fault that I'm a scarecrow!" I glared at her.

"Well, if I hadn't done that in the first place, you would be dead!" She stood now, face to face with me.

"Well, better being dead than seeing your ex- girlfriend marrying your other ex-girlfriend!"

"Funny dilemma, isn't it?"

I raised my arm to punch her, only to realize that 1) it was stuffed, so it wouldn't do any damage, and 2) I didn't have the guts to punch anyone, let alone Elphaba Thropp.

Lucky for me, no one noticed, because there was a big sparkly star in our faces. This big sparkly star was on the end of a big sparkly stick which was being held by Glinda the Good.

"Stop before someone dies!" she shrieked, pointing the wand at each of us in turn.

"Glinda, put the wand down." Elphaba sounded like an exasperated parent.

"Not until you _children_ stop fighting."

"But Glinda, I'm older than you are."

"You're acting like a child, Elphie! Stop, stop, STOP!" She waved the wand each time she said stop, and accidentally sent me flying into the wall.

Elphaba laughed and wrapped an arm around a very surprised Glinda. "Thank you, Glinda. I didn't have to do anything. Now come, let's go look at dresses."

Glinda still looked shocked as Elphaba dragged her back to the coffee table and the catalogue.

I adjusted my straw (it had gotten all out of place) and went back to banging my head on the wall.


End file.
